I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
