While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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