was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
