Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
