you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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