I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
from now on my penis is your penis
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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