I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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