Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
