I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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