He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
