one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
