Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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