My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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