What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
