Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
