first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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