whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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