Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
