Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
