I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
