Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
