You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
