im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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