you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you had me at cake vodka
I need moral support for this bender
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
