Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she smelled like a LAN party
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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