The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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