Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
