I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
