What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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