JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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