Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
