What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
