you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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