i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
