Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
