Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
