nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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