Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
