Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
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My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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