The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
