Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
