And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
