yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
