I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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