remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
