it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
