I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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