If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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