Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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