Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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