i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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