dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
