Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
