so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
