If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
