Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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