Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
