So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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