Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
