he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
