theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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