It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
