I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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