He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
