i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
