You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
