I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
