she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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