The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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