Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
