I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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