i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
