Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
