You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
